Hello friends. How are you? I am still in St. Louis. The leaves are all dying. The Cardinals might go to the World Series. My car is dirty. I need to do laundry. I have about 2 showers worth of shampoo left before I have to buy more. My driver’s side rear tire starts running out of air every 2 weeks and is annoying.
Some things that have happened:
-I have been traveling to like every major city in the Midwest for work and haven’t been home much.
-My apartment complex towed my car from my parking lot, where it was parked legally. It ended up costing me around $700
-Sean bitched out and doesn’t want to go to Vegas because he’s a grownup now and wants to do grownup things like own property
-I watched The Big Lebowski
-Sean, Monica and Nate came to visit and it was pretty awesome. I had a drunken revelation where it became dangerously clear to me how awesome top hats and canes are and I haven’t been able to get over that ever since.
-I bought a Bayside Tigers tshirt and like 4 people complimented me in the airport
-I got in trouble for wearing a ninja turtles shirt to work that said “Drug Free: The way to be!” I am still confused as to how my wearing this shirt led to an awkward confrontation from a rotting old lady that smelled of coffee and pinesol, but it happened.
-A really loud black lady at an Arby’s gave me a high five because I had an xmen shirt on
-Apparently my stories are mostly about shirts
-Someone opened a bar that is literally attached to my apartment building. I went there on the opening night and the owner gave me free beers that were really dark and really strong and kicked my ass. I really hot waitress tried to pretend she knew anything at all about beer and it was cute until it was annoying.
-Two ladies that work for my company took me out drinking when I was at their office in Nashville. They were hilarious and we had fun. Nashville is pretty cool but I pretty much love wherever I am when I’m drunk.
-I had an $80 steak in Indianapolis (even though I don’t like steak). It would have tasted better wrapped in a tortilla.
There are plenty of other things but I think I’ll stop that list for now and tell you the story that inspired this post’s title.
So we just went through a huge upgrade and merge with the systems I’m working on this weekend (which is pretty much the majority of what I’ve been doing since I got here). Since Sunday at around 10:00 AM I’ve been working on fixing things that the ballsack software company broke and things are finally starting to slow down. I just got off of a 3 hour phone call with the software company going through all of our outstanding issues. Now, I haven’t taken a lunch in a week and that call was fucking gay so I went to the kitchen and got a Mountain Dew and some Nacho Cheese Doritos.
I sit down at my desk and I’m about as excited as a fat kid could be about these Doritos. I open up the bag and enjoy that heavenly aroma on an almost sexual level. Next, I reach in (with two fingers) and grab the most perfect chip that I could find.
The phone rings.
It’s another contractor that I’ve known for about 5 years that works on similar projects so we talk pretty frequently and bounce ideas off of each other. Typically, she’s really funny and I enjoy talking to her so I’m like “what the hell?”
She goes on to tell me about this drama with the project she’s working on and how she had to get on the phone with the executive driving the project yesterday and explain to him that the dates were all going to be pushed back.
Now… by this point I’m getting impatient so I go ahead and put that chip in my mouth. The whole fucking thing, I wasn’t messing around.
Literally RIGHT as I’m fully committed to this chip she starts talking about her friend that died yesterday of cancer. There I am, dorito in mouth, thinking, “holy shit… I wasn’t prepared for this conversation” THEN she goes on to talk about her autistic nephew that tried to hang himself yesterday.
At this point, I still had that chip in my mouth… but hadn’t bit it yet. My jaw was actually getting tired from holding this chip in the pre-biting position for so long.
FINALLY she stops talking and lets out a long sigh followed by like 4 seconds of silence and… *crunch*
The Family Guy scene where Anne Frank’s family is hiding from the Nazis in the attic and Peter is eating potato chips comes to mind.
In hindsight, I could have muted my phone or started chewing the chip while she was still talking… but it all happened so fast.
I don’t even know if I want the rest of these Doritos now…
EDIT: I ate them.
I’m going to be in San Diego from November 23 – 28 so we should hang out. I will be eating mexican or japanese food every day that I’m there, including Thanksgiving.