The return of my Adam’s apple and mojo

So my Adam’s apple is an asshole. It decides to disappear for a few years and then show up again when I’m shaving like it had never left. Fuck you, Adam’s apple. I am over 2/3 the way along in my journey back to not being a fatass but the rest of the world seems to think that 2/3 is enough. It’s a bizarre thing how differently people treat you when you are attractive – not that I can really point fingers since I do the exact same thing. Still, it’s a strange transition to experience. My experiment isn’t very well controlled since, with weight loss, comes confidence and many other things that people seem to pick up on so I don’t know which factor carries the most weight (lol).

I used to go out all the time and try my best to make conversation with strangers – both male and female. Occasionally, someone would give me the time of day but it sure took a lot of fucking effort. Seriously, I’m funny as shit and crazy charming so would do alright every now and then but it took my “A” game. Now, when I’m out at the grocery store, driving, in a bar, looking in the mirror – everyone is just more friendly. Even if I’m not putting any effort into it. A girl I met while SP was here had some free tickets to a Cardinal’s game and invited me to join her and her friend. This girl is pretty cool and actually pretty cute too. So I meet them at a bar before the game and her friend is hot as hell. The seating arrangement at the beginning was me, her, her friend. The entire game, it felt like both of them were fighting each other for my attention. The girl who invited me got up to go get us all beers – that’s right, she went to get ME a beer – and her friend stole her seat next to me and I witnessed a silent exchange between the two of them when she returned with the beers that basically said “you fucking bitch”. The game was a blast, the Cardinals wrecked the Pirates (every time I go to see the Cardinals, it’s always the Pirates…), I didn’t pay for shit all night, and the girls even drove me too.

That night was when I first realized that my mojo had returned. The same god damned thing happened to me when I lost weight the first time – girls all of a sudden into me and I didn’t even realize it. When you’re so used to knowing that nobody you’ll meet will have any real interest in you physically, before you even meet them, it takes a blatantly obvious event to make you realize that you’re awesome again.

I decided to put this theory to the test. Last night, I went to a bar (the first time I’ve gone to a bar alone since I started Operation: Unfat). This detail could very well be in my head, but there seems to be a collective, welcoming vibe coming from everyone now. This didn’t exist 6 months ago. The bar I was in was pretty packed, yet getting the bartender’s attention took no time at all – or effort. This is also an enormous change from 6 months ago. And, finally, a cute girl (not cute as in… she looks like she doesn’t smell, I could stomach having sex with her – like, genuinely attractive.. show off to your friends attractive) comes up to me and uses some cheesey pickup line, becomes embarrassed, and then offers to by me a drink. Uh…. ok? There was no awkward scanning of the room in search of the low hanging fruit in hopes that she’d make eye contact. I didn’t even notice her until she was in my face and I became dominant in the conversation – and in the situation in general – without saying a fucking word. I wasn’t out very long, wasn’t drunk, didn’t initiate any conversations, and got two phone numbers last night. Once the conversations began, I didn’t put much effort in at all and yet I was able to get solid results from girls that were in a league that I hadn’t even bothered competing in for the past few years.

You seriously have to work harder at EVERYTHING when you’re fat. Talking to people (men or women), breathing, walking, shopping, flying on airplanes (fucking hell), wiping your ass, bending over to pick something up off of the ground, the list goes on and on. Moral of the story: If you can help it (you probably can), don’t be fat.

I taught a drum lesson to this dude yesterday that was like, legit 70s badass. He’s a retired fireman and used to be a competitive bodybuilder. He even placed second in the Mr. St. Louis competition (apparently, that’s a thing) in 1977 (I think that was the year). Guy has an epic mustache and is all around cool. He was telling me stories about women in the 70s and how, after birth control became widely distributed, women were fucking everyone and everything like rabbits. You can just tell by talking to him that this dude was the real deal – a legit lady’s man – in a time when it was cool to have chest hair and a mustache. I imagine he looked something like this:


Anyway, the guy has an entire fucking gym on his property filled with gym equipment that he designed and built himself. So I think I’m going to trade drum lessons for workout lessons (and life/mustache lessons).

But yeah, none of that other stuff is really important. What is important is that The Avengers was fucking AMAZING. Hands down, the best super hero movie ever made. And one of the, if not the, most enjoyable movies I’ve ever watched. For the entire two and a half hours of that movie, I was giddy like a little kid. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.

You don’t -need- to have seen all of the movies building up to this one, but I would highly recommend it. Unless a girl was sitting in your seat during the previous showing. Because it will probably be wet. Because the movie was that good. If you don’t love this movie then seriously, fuck you. I will definitely be seeing it multiple times while it’s still in theaters.

Now I have to go because I have a date. Although… I’m at the end of season 3 in Deep Space Nine and am considering cancelling on her. I suck at lacing shoes.

None of the songs I wanted to post are on youtube and I don’t have time to upload them right now so… obligatory 90s Will Smith:


About becauseimightforget

Yes, yes it is.
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One Response to The return of my Adam’s apple and mojo

  1. motalio1 says:

    Dude?! That guy has an ocelot?! Look at his little tufted ears!!

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