Stapler, Doug, Portland, Work Holiday Parties

Well well well…

The past few weeks there have been several times where I’ve found myself thinking “wow, I should really post about this!” and then I don’t. I’m not talking about stupid things like I normally post. These were like, really amazing ideas that would blow your mind and probably change the world. But yeah, I totally forgot all of them. So I come to work this morning, sit at my desk, and the first thing that comes to mind is how fucking gross mayonnaise is and how I’ve always hated that the chick Doug, star of Doug, dug was named Patty Mayonnaise. Am I the only one fucked up enough to realize how gross that is? So yeah, that’s the thought that gave me motivation to post.

I have some crazy adult ADD and often find myself staring at this stapler on my desk. It’s a pretty nice stapler… I’ve never actually stapled anything with it but I staple nothing and play with the staples pretty regularly. The sticker on the side is amazing: “Jam Free Guaranteed”. It could mean so many things… I must have come up with like 50 meanings for this sticker. The longer I stare at it, the weirder the shit I come up with is. I laugh, I cry, I get angry. Balls.

The Portland trip was a lot of fun but to sum it up: Beer, Tattoo, Tree, Man Purse, Bacon, Jew Breakfast, Handjob, Walking, Beanie, Stripper, Honduras, Coat Hanger, Deoderant, Random old guys screaming for absolutely no reason, Little Kid Bar, Sunglasses, Pooping.

The people in my department or that I typically work with are all executives or senior staff/managers and they are all old. The IT/IS and Project Management parts of our office are divided into 3 sections: Service Desk (mostly entry level IT guys), A section that’s for more senior technicians and then a third section with all of their bosses. I sit in the third section because I’m a badass of Samuel L. Norris proportions. We had one of our many holiday parties last night at a really expensive steak house. We had our own seperate room with 5 or 6 large tables that sat 12 each. I decided to take this opportunity to sit at the table with all of the young service desk guys/girls that are more around my age. There was multi-course meal with a choice of Filet Mignon, Salmon or Stuffed Chicken as the entree. I think I was the only person in the entire party to not order the filet. There was also an open bar. By open bar I mean there were two cute girls that would bring you literally anything you wanted.
The people at my table were fucking hilarious. Most of the party were dressed in relatively formal attire: suits, ties, etc. but not at my table. Aside from myself, everyone at my table was pretty underdressed (I was in a suit. See above statement about how badass I am). This was clearly the table of misfits. These guys were having the girls bring us full bottles of wine and scotch. Our table of about 10 people must have consumed at least a thousand dollars worth of alcohol in the couple of hours that we were there. These are all people that probably make somewhere from… $15-$20/hour, wearing polo shirts. Someone from our table sent his filet back because he didn’t like how it was prepared. When they were still ordering scotch by the glass (before the bottles came) they were complaining because they wanted 2 ice cubes, not 3.

Those guys all got completely trashed. I went over to the service desk room this morning and they all look like complete ass. I, however, anticipated an after party and paced myself like a pro. The after party is where I had to go be strategically social. The trick is to not talk to them early on, before they’ve had any drinks.
– They’ll still be old and boring
– You most likely won’t have anything to talk about yet and there won’t be any common ground unless you are old too.

So I avoid all contact with them until the after party. Most of them are flown in from other cities and don’t have to go home to their wives that night so they are definitely going to be partying.

By the time the afterparty comes around they have some liquor in them and since you haven’t spoken to them yet they are interested in you already. All of the other people are boring and have been talking with them since they were sober. A new face = friend. I don’t know why it works, but it does.

So yeah, it turned out to be a very productive night.

Louis C.K. is awesome. His show kicks ass and so does his standup. I also found out that he does all of the editing for his show himself on a macbook.

He recently put out a new special – a live show of his at the Beacon Theater. The cool thing about this was that he did it all himself, without the help of a big company. He booked the venue, paid for the production and website all by himself.

Basically, you paypal $5 and you get a professional quality Louis CK special. You can stream it from his site or download it a maximum of 3 times.

What this means is that it’s the easiest fucking thing on the planet for people to “pirate”. There was no DRM or copyright protection, nothing. On the site he made a note about this, stating that he put this together himself as a person, not a huge company. He mentioned torrenting and basically said, “hey, I’m putting this out there dirt cheap, with no hassle to you at all, please don’t steal it”.

He even posted on thepiratebay and it sparked a huge debate. Tons of people (like myself) that probably download everything were more than happy to pay the REASONABLE price that he’s offering and pirating this special is actually being frowned upon by… pretty much everyone.

This is a statement he just put out yesterday about this whole (what he’s referring to as) experiment.

If you were too much of a crate of tampons to read it, he points out that he made more money than he would have made going through a big company and we paid a small fraction of the price for the same product, among other other things.

The big money in so much of our media is total bullshit. The artists get less, we all are forced to pay way too much. I’ve been pirating tv, movies, music for years even though I have a job and money. My problem is with, for example, record companies making more money from every sale than the artists make. What the hell is up with that? It’s not that I care so much about big name artists not getting their cut, I just think it’s bullshit that we have to pay 5x what we should be paying just so that billionaire record execs can get their cut.

PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS. Anyway, I bought this and without hesitation even though it could have easily been downloaded elsewhere.

If you like Louis CK you should definitely buy this, it’s funny as shit. If you don’t know who he is, youtube him and get ready to laugh. Then buy this. If you still don’t want to buy this then fuck you.

Hopefully the success of this project will open the eyes of some other artists before the RIAA lobbyists (politicians) make it illegal.

I’ve been on a mid 90s kick lately, enjoy.


About becauseimightforget

Yes, yes it is.
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